¿Tienes capacidad de amar y ser amado?

Autor: María Eugenia Ruíz / Psicólogo/Coach transaccional / @psicomaru_ruiz

Indudablemente todos necesitamos amor. El amor es como el agua a una planta o a cualquier ser vivo. El amor nos nutre, nos sana, nos libera, nos restaura, nos vivifica.

Un niño que no recibe amor de su madre al nacer, traducido en carencia de estímulos o de contacto físico suficiente, puede presentar problemas de salud que inclusive pueden llevarlo a la muerte.

De acuerdo al Análisis Transaccional cuyo creador fue el psiquiatra Eric Berne, un niño que recibe de su madre amor y ternura en una estrecha intimidad al menos en el primer año de vida habrá cubierto su cuota de estimulación necesaria para sobrevivir.

Berne afirmó que a lo largo de la vida de un individuo se mantiene un hambre de reconocimiento: ser besados, abrazados, acariciados, elogiados.

Todo eso se da en relación con un medio social, con el cual el individuo interactúa y del cual depende para sobrevivir.

amar

Amar es la capacidad de querer y valorar a los demás en relaciones cercanas, compartiendo y cuidándose de forma correspondida y recíproca.

El amor otorga la posibilidad de confiar en los demás y priorizarlos a la hora de tomar decisiones de vida, es una emoción que tiene que ver con la estima, el aprecio, el cariño, el afecto, el cuidado.

Dentro de la Virtud de Humanidad y Amor descrita por Seligman y Peterson, creadores de la Psicología Positiva, se encuentra una Fortaleza de Carácter conocida como la Capacidad de Amar y ser Amado.

Esta fortaleza permite mantener relaciones íntimas, cercanas y significativas con otras personas, nos permite compartir y ser cuidados mutuamente.

Implica crear lazos emocionales desde el amor y el respeto, además concede a las personas poner su confianza en los demás y sentirse cercano a ellos.

Las personas que logran desarrollar o potenciar esta fortaleza de vida son felices y viven en bienestar, porque logran desarrollar un contacto personal genuino con otros.

Una condición necesaria para que esta fortaleza esté presente es que las emociones sentidas deben ser mutuas y se requiere amor a uno mismo, en primer lugar, para dar paso a un mismo nivel de amor por el otro.

En nuestra cultura occidental los hombres tienen más permisos para amar y dejarse amar, no quiere decir que las mujeres no posean también esta fortaleza.

Dentro de las características de una persona con capacidad de amar y ser amado se encuentran las siguientes:

  • Aceptan el amor de los demás, con facilidad.
  • Tienen personas presentes en su vida que se preocupan por su bienestar y sentimientos, como si fueran los suyos propios.
  • Valoran por encima de todas las cosas las relaciones interpersonales íntimas, cercanas con los demás (aquellas relaciones donde los individuos se aprecian y comparten afecto y cuidado mutuo).
  • Se sienten muy felices al lado de las personas que más quieren, anteponiendo cualquier circunstancia para actuar a favor de ellos o estar a su lado.
  • Se sienten igualmente felices cuando el amor es recíproco y ante la muestra de cariño por parte de los demás.
  • Sacan energía vital del contacto emocional con los otros.
  • Se ocupan y preocupan de las personas de forma generosa sin esperar nada a cambio, siempre se encuentran dispuestos a dar.
  • Disfrutan de las sonrisas de las personas amadas, son felices viendo que los demás son felices.
  • Pueden hacer sacrificios por los otros de forma desinteresada.
  • Disfrutan compartiendo tiempo, bienes, información y afecto con los más cercanos.
  • Alcanzan sus metas con el apoyo de los amados.
  • Encuentran su flow (experiencia óptima), conversando con los que ama, comprándoles un regalo, cuidándolos cuando enferman o en cualquier contexto donde estén juntos.

Muchas personas tienen capacidad de amar pero no permiten ser amados, no se creen merecedores del amor de otros y esto puede tener su origen en una desvalorización personal por:

  • Carencias emocionales infantiles
  • Baja autoestima
  • Maltratos físicos y psicológicos en la niñez
  • Miedo a ser dañados o a sufrir
  • Desconfianza
  • Ideas erróneas acerca de lo qué es el amor (sistema de creencias irracionales)
  • Entre otros.

También puede ocurrir que sólo se demuestre amor a sí mismo con una imposibilidad de amar a otros, llegando a un trastorno narcisista de personalidad, por no haber recibido suficiente amor y ternura en la infancia de las figuras parentales.

Son muchos los beneficios de amar y ser amados, tanto a nivel fisiológico, personal y social, entre los cuales están:

  • Reduce el estrés al disminuir la producción de cortisol, y aumenta la secreción de endorfinas, dopamina, oxitocina y norepinefrina por lo cual se refuerza el sistema inmune; además de que disminuye el dolor y los riesgos cardiovasculares.
  • Mejora la piel en la mujer porque aumenta los niveles de estrógenos y la vitalidad gracias a los altos niveles de melatonina.
  • Aumenta la autoestima: nos sentimos valorados, deseados, cuidados, con mayor energía y motivación de vivir.
  • Disminuye la sensación de soledad.
  • Aumenta la creatividad, la seguridad en sí mismo, la felicidad y el bienestar.
  • Disminuye la probabilidad de sufrir depresión.
  • Genera mayor sentimiento de humanidad y empatía.
  • Mejora la convivencia con los demás y genera estados recíprocos de cuidado.

Te estarás preguntando: ¿Cómo hago para que los otros se sientan amados por mí y para yo también sentirme amado?

Si nunca me hablaron en ese lenguaje de amor no sé cómo hablarlo, pero como todo en la vida: amar es una decisión personal, luego de tomarla puedo aprender a hablar un lenguaje de amor e invitar a otros a hablarlo, a continuación encontrarás algunas acciones que podrás realizar en este sentido:

  • Expresa a los que amas (de forma verbal y gestual) que tu amor por ellos es incondicional pase lo que pase.
  • Expresa tu amor a través de contacto físico: abrazos, besos, caricias, masajes.
  • Acepta que tus seres queridos son humanos, y que sus conductas y estados de ánimo pueden fluctuar, no te hagas fantasías de rechazo.
  • Refuerza verbalmente las fortalezas de carácter de los que amas, da reconocimiento constante.
  • Organiza una cita o comida con tu pareja en el hogar, para que hablen de sus cualidades y virtudes durante ella.
  • Expresa tu amor a través de regalos, si son hechos por tus propias manos mejor, eso dará más valor a tu gesto.
  • Celebra siempre las ocasiones importantes, aunque sea a través de las redes sociales: cumpleaños, aniversarios.
  • Expresa tu amor con creatividad: un poema, una nota, un dibujo, una canción, regala una fotografía donde hayan estado juntos.
  • Ayuda a tus seres queridos a alcanzar sus metas.
  • Pregúntale al final de día a tu amado cómo le fue, escucha cómo se sintió y cuéntale lo mismo de tu persona.

¿Pudiste reconocer si amas y te aman?

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