Por qué el perdón puede ser tu mejor estrategia para transitar tiempos difíciles

Autor: María Eugenia Ruíz / Psicólogo/Coach transaccional

¿Quién no ha sido lastimado por las palabras o las acciones de otra persona? Tal vez durante tu infancia o adolescencia alguien de tu familia te criticó, se burló o te rechazó, o tuviste una experiencia de abuso físico o psicológico por parte de alguien muy cercano en quien confiabas.

O un amigo o amiga reveló tus secretos más íntimos; quizás un colega plagió tus proyectos más preciados; o tu pareja te engañó.

Estas situaciones, entre muchas otras que vives en el presente, pueden generarte una mezcla de rabia con tristeza, y sentimientos de ira, hostilidad, amargura y deseos de venganza.

Para la Psicología Positiva el perdón es una Fortaleza de Carácter, dentro de la Virtud de Templanza o Dominio Propio.

El perdón consiste en deshacerse de sentimientos negativos hacia una persona que ha cometido una falta contra nosotros. Es decidir soltar el rencor para liberarnos de una atadura hacia quien nos ofendió.

No implica olvidar la falta, pero si dejar ir la rabia, la angustia y el resentimiento que nos enferman tanto física como emocionalmente.

Todas las definiciones psicológicas sobre lo que significa perdonar se centran en un elemento común: cuando alguien perdona; sus pensamientos, sentimientos y acciones hacia el ofensor se vuelven más positivos.

Perdonar implica un cambio interno y a la vez prosocial hacia una figura o situación percibida como transgresora, en el ambiente de un vínculo interpersonal.

En los últimos tiempos la capacidad de perdonar se ha convertido en un tema de interés científico en el campo de la psicología y de la medicina.

Estudios han demostrado que el perdón está vinculado con la salud mental, disminución de sentimientos de duelo o pérdida, superación de estados de ansiedad, angustia y depresión; además del poder superar problemas de salud física.

Diferentes autores han reconocido en el perdón una forma de terapia o de herramienta terapéutica, porque sin perdonar podemos llegar a ser esclavos de nuestras acciones o de nuestro pasado los cuales pueden convertirse en gigantes sobre nuestra vida, imposibles de dominar.

El perdón es considerado para la psicología cognitiva como una estrategia de afrontamiento que sirve para contrarrestar el estrés originado por una experiencia traumática de vida, y además como todo proceso cognitivo implica pensamientos, emociones y conductas.

Es un proceso dinámico porque se avanza y se retrocede hasta alcanzar el punto de equilibrio psicológico, y adicionalmente requiere tiempo.

En este proceso influyen diferentes factores personales y ambientales:

  • La personalidad
  • La cultura
  • La espiritualidad, entre otros.

Quizás pensemos que debemos seguir castigando al ofensor, no perdonándolo; pero el que resulta más castigado y el que más se afecta es quien no perdona, ya que lleva la carga de rencor consigo.

No es necesario olvidar los hechos, ni reconciliarse olvidando lo ocurrido, ni tampoco humillarse ante el otro.

Perdonar es un proceso de aceptación sano, proactivo y equilibrado que nos permite sanar.

Cuando alguien nos daña es como si nos mordiera una serpiente, la herida deja un veneno, que no la ayuda a cerrar y seguirá doliendo.

El veneno puede ser de varios tipos: venganza, ojo por ojo, buscar justicia, que se pague la reparación del daño; muchas veces todo esto se convierte en una obsesión que dirige nuestra vida y nos roba espacios de crecimiento y disfrute.

Hasta que no saquemos ese veneno de nuestro cuerpo y de nuestra mente no sanaremos.

Esto no significa que dejes que la serpiente te vuelva a morder, pero en lugar de matarla puedes aprender a defenderte, poner distancia y así protegerte de que no te vuelva a hacer daño.

En ocasiones el perdón también implica la capacidad de perdonarse a uno mismo, por errores, defectos, debilidades e imperfecciones.

El Doctor en Medicina y Cirugía Andrés Herguedas de la Universidad Complutense de Madrid, define el perdón como un acto de voluntad y de uso del libre albedrío que se origina de los valores y de la razón más que de la emoción, y agrega que el no perdonar de forma persistente actúa en el deterioro del bienestar físico, psicológico, social y espiritual.

La Psiconeuroinmunología y otras ramas de la ciencia han demostrado los beneficios de la acción de perdonar sobre nuestra mente, la cual da órdenes al resto de nuestros sistemas orgánicos:

  • Genera alivio del estrés, disminuyendo los niveles de cortisol.
  • Disminuye síntomas físicos: dolores, molestias, ansiedad y angustia.
  • Previene enfermedades cardiovasculares y el cáncer.
  • Disminuye la presión arterial y la frecuencia cardíaca.
  • Mejora la calidad del sueño y la falta de energía.
  • Genera mayor presencia en el “aquí y el ahora”, soltando el pasado lo cual lleva a bienestar.
  • Fortalece la espiritualidad, la capacidad de ser trascendente.
  • Genera mayores habilidades en solución de conflictos.
  • Mejora la calidad de las relaciones interpersonales.
  • Aumenta la capacidad de disfrute y mayor entusiasmo en la ejecución de actividades de la vida diaria.
  • Permite el desarrollo de inteligencia emocional.

El Profesor Everett Worthington, psicólogo clínico de la Universidad de Virginia (EEUU) concluyó que:

“La clave para perdonar con éxito es cultivar un sentido de simpatía, humildad y compasión”.

A través de su investigación y experiencia clínica Worthington desarrolló un método para que las personas aprendieran a perdonar y en mi opinión es bastante acertado con muy buenos resultados, se llama REACH (por sus siglas en inglés):

  • R: Recordar objetivamente el daño y las emociones que eso dejó en su vida.
  • E: Empatizar, procurando ponernos en el lugar del ofensor para entender su punto de vista y por qué lo hizo.
  • A: Altruismo, como un acto de servicio, amor y misericordia, aunque sea inmerecido.
  • C: Compromiso, recordando que alguna vez también herimos a alguien y fuimos perdonados.
  • H: Es aferrarse firme al piso y decidir perdonar para sanar.

William Shakespeare dijo:

“El perdón cae como lluvia suave desde el cielo a la tierra. Es dos veces bendito; bendice al que lo da y al que lo recibe”.

Hoy es un buen día para perdonar; soltar y dejar ir, te devolverá vida.

@psicomaru_ruiz

605 comentarios en “Por qué el perdón puede ser tu mejor estrategia para transitar tiempos difíciles”

  1. Miguel Jiménez

    Me encantó muchísimo, es bueno saber si aplicamos esta fortaleza y si no es así comenzar aumentarla los niveles en nuestra vida, buenos beneficios para nuestro salud… debemos Perdonar y no solo a las personas que nos dañan, también a nosotros mismos que en el algún momento atentamos hacia nosotros…

  2. Gladys Solórzano

    Perdonar es sanación para nuestro espíritu, nuestra mente, nuestro cuerpo.Practicar el perdón es un acto que nos beneficia y nos convierte en mejores seres humanos.Perdonar es un acto de fe, nos conecta con Dios.

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