El poliamor y las relaciones abiertas, tan sanas como las monógamas

Autor: Atenea Anca

Vamos a partir del punto de los acuerdos de las relaciones de pareja. Los acuerdos de las relaciones de pareja suelen estar implícitos, rara vez las parejas hablan de manera explícita sobre sus acuerdos antes de que ocurran hechos traumáticos; es decir, una vez que ocurren algo traumático dentro de la relación, como por ejemplo las infidelidades.

Entonces es allí cuando se da la primera conversación en la que se trata el tema de que están en una relación monógama y uno de los dos no cumplió el acuerdo de la monogamia. Todo esto sucede muchas veces sin nunca
antes haber hablado sobre estos acuerdos.

Lo cierto es que son muchísimas las relaciones de pareja que tienen todo para convertirse en relaciones abiertas, porque filosóficamente ambos miembros de la relación no creen que la monogamia sea la mejor manera de llevarla. Estas personas piensan que está bien relacionarse con otras personas, en otras palabras, están convencidos de que quedarse con una única persona por el resto de sus vidas no es algo que les vaya a funcionar.

Sin embargo, es muy importante que sepas que estas conversaciones pueden generar algunas tensiones y eso debes tenerlo muy claro antes de meterte a hablar en estas profundidades.

Otro punto importante es este: las relaciones de pareja que esta sociedad aplaude, respeta, permite o considera como sanas son las relaciones monógamas.

Las relaciones abiertas, un tema del que poco se habla pero que hay que hablar - www.mariangelruiz.com

¿Quieres saber la verdad?

Desde mi experiencia profesional te quiero contar que las relaciones monógamas no son las únicas sanas. Conozco relaciones poliamorosas que son tan sanas y felices como las monógamas. Relaciones donde todos los involucrados se sienten satisfechos con el estilo de relación que están teniendo.

Entonces lo que quiero que sepas es que cuando dos personas están de acuerdo en ese funcionamiento, el mundo entero puede chillar y criticar, pero los involucrados están conformes, se sienten contentas por estar viviendo de la manera en que quieren.

Pero, ¿Qué es una relación poliamorosa y cómo funciona?

El poliamor es una palabra que intenta explicar un tipo de relación que tiene un funcionamiento diferente al monógamo, es una relación en donde más de dos personas se conectan con el conocimiento y el consentimiento de todos los amores que están involucrados para tener una relación que puede ser erótica, romántica o de ambas maneras.

Es decir, puede ser que al principio la vinculación sea solo desde el plano erótico pero que después transite hasta el amor, también puede comenzar en el plano amoroso y de allí transitar hasta el erótico, o que simplemente se quede en uno de estos dos planos.

Atención, conoce las reglas para el poliamor:

Todos los involucrados saben todo.

En una relación poliamorosa de verdad, todos los amores que están involucrados están al tanto de que esto está ocurriendo, no debe haber secretos, es abierta en todos los sentidos. Pero que no te confunda la palabra, porque una relación abierta tampoco es sinónimo de que estas abierta para el mundo y que toda persona te puede resultar interesante, no. Pero si se trata de una comunicación abierta con todos los involucrados, no hay secretos en cuanto a este tema y eso debes tenerlo siempre presente.

Debe haber igualdad de oportunidades.

Sí, en la pareja que lleva la relación principal, ambos deben tener las mismas ventajas y derechos. Esto no quiere decir que obligatoriamente los dos tienen que abrirse a tener otras relaciones de inmediato, porque puede pasar que a uno de los dos no le apetece, no es su momento o no hay alguien llame su atención y no va a tener porque salir corriendo a buscar a alguien. Lo que si debe estar claro es que esa persona que no se ha involucrado con nadie más sí cuenta con las mismas oportunidades para el momento en que quiera vivirlo.

Todo tiene sus riesgos ¿a qué debes tenerle cuidado?

Cuándo una relación poliamorosa lleva un comportamiento dañino. Porque se cree estar en una relación poliamorosa pero una sola persona es la que tiene el derecho de estar con otras, y además siente que debe ser así. En muchos casos con la excusa de que cuando se conocieron ya esa persona tenia esas libertades y el otro miembro de la pareja lo aceptó. Una relación bajo estas condiciones no es una relación que estaba lista para abrirse y no es una relación sana.

Si la relación de pareja no está bien abrirse es un error. Porque le estamos permitiendo a un
tercero que llene unos vacíos que han quedado por lo que nosotros mismos no nos estamos
dando y las relaciones poliamorosas no parten del vacío ni de buscar afuera, sino del disfrute de
conectarnos entre nosotros y conectarnos con otras personas.

Sé que te puede parecer rara esta forma tan diferente de vivir las relaciones, por eso te recomendamos que te documentes mucho antes de hablarlo con tu pareja, porque si te logras documentar vas a encontrar allí una buena forma de adentrarte en el tema y adentrar tu pareja en esta conversación.

Las relaciones abiertas, un tema del que poco se habla pero que hay que hablar - www.mariangelruiz.com

La verdad es que este tema genera tensión y te lleva a cuestionártelo todo y a preguntarte qué va a pensar tu pareja de ti cuando le hables de esta posibilidad. Porque tus opciones son: hablar con sinceridad, reprimirlo o involucrarte con alguien más en secreto, pero esto último es una infidelidad.

Una relación abierta no es un estilo de vida que debas aceptar por presión de tu pareja, por obligación o por miedo a que te sean infiel toda la vida o a perder a tu pareja, tampoco bajo algún chantaje. Estos no pueden ser los motivos. Si vas a meterte en una relación abierta debe ser por tu voluntad y porque te sientes bien con esta decisión.

Lo otro importante a destacar es que debes tener la libertad de volver a una relación cerrada en cualquier momento que lo decidas. Por eso la conversación en pareja acerca de este tema debe ser explícita sincera y detallada sobre lo que sí quieren permitir y lo que no están dispuestos a permitir.

Aunque ahora se habla con un poco más de naturalidad sobre poliamor o las relaciones abiertas porque más personas se dan el permiso de mostrarlo sin tanta discreción, ésta no es una elección o estilo de vida que esté asociado a la moda, a pesar de que hay personas que sienten el deseo de probar solo porque escuchan hablar de ellas.

Las relaciones abiertas son una forma de funcionar diferente a la que estamos acostumbrados pero no son relaciones insanas, así que ten mucho cuidado de satanizarlas o juzgarlas a la ligera.

Evita ofender a las personas que si se sienten cómodas atraídas y cómodas con este estilo de vida.

Tampoco te cierres desde ya a esta posibilidad
¿Quién sabe si más adelante el poliamor sea lo tuyo?

Atenea Anca, Psicóloga, Sexóloga y Terapeuta de Pareja.
Directora de Clinipareja.

Revista Mariangel

IG: @RevistaMariangel

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