¿Cómo quitarte ese pesado sentimiento de culpa?

Autor: María Eugenia Ruíz / Psicólogo/Coach transaccional

Para el Padre del psicoanálisis Sigmund Freud la culpa es un “dolor psíquico” que se impone el mismo individuo por haber traicionado al otro y poner en riesgo su amor. Para la psicología en general culpa es un sentimiento que provoca una carga de responsabilidad ante un daño ocasionado: por acción o por omisión.

En cambio para la psicología cognitiva la culpa es un elemento regulador en la interacción social, una reacción común y normal del ser humano.

La culpa se manifiesta en una voz interior que me dice que no he actuado bien y tiene su origen en el aprendizaje que tuvimos de nuestras figuras parentales desde niños acerca de lo que era bueno o malo, sobre lo que los complacía o no.

El peso de la culpa se va formando conforme crecemos y vamos interactuando con los padres, la familia, los maestros, los compañeros, los amigos, y la sociedad en general.

No queremos sentirnos desaprobados socialmente por los que amamos. Esa culpa podría acompañarse de vergüenza, dependiendo si de niños vivenciamos ésta junto a la culpa.

Un niño formado en un sentimiento constante de culpa por lo que piensa, dice o actúa será un adulto inseguro, aprensivo, ansioso, con poca tolerancia a la frustración, que se auto-recrimina o agrede, con una emoción frecuente de miedo y de tristeza.

Los estilos educativos centrados alrededor del castigo psicológico: “me haces sufrir si…”, “no te quiero porque…”, “me vas a dejar solita otra vez”, “a mamá le gusta así”, “me sacrifico tanto por ti”, “me enfermo cuando no estás” producen intensos sentimientos de culpa.

La menor o mayor intensidad de la respuesta emocional ante la culpa dependerá de los modelos emocionales recibidos en la infancia y de cada decisión individual ante estos modelos, de las creencias que de ellos se derivaron.

La culpa desadaptativa nos puede llevar a un malestar profundo hasta enfermarnos física o mentalmente; nos enseña a:

  • Despreciarnos
  • Autoagredirnos
  • Torturarnos
  • Castigarnos
  • Vivir en ansiedad
  • Angustia constantes

Por lo anteriormente expuesto es posible que frecuentemente podamos sentirnos culpables por no ser buenos:

  • “Hijos”
  • “Padres”
  • “Hermanos”
  • “Sobrinos”
  • “Amigos”
  • “Parejas”

Nos torturamos sintiéndonos culpables del sobrepeso, de no alcanzar la perfección, de no cumplir las tareas y metas en el tiempo propuesto, de no complacer a todo el mundo.

Nos sentimos culpables por lo que hacemos o dejamos de hacer, por lo que pensamos, por lo que sentimos, por lo que deseamos, por lo que decimos o dejamos de decir… culpa, culpa y más culpa.

El sentimiento de culpa es potenciado por una serie de factores psicológicos como:

  • Perfeccionismo
  • Autoexigencia
  • Baja autoestima
  • Autocrítica
  • Desvalorización
  • Ansiedad
  • Una pobre autoconfianza
  • La rumiación de pensamientos torturantes
  • El pensamiento polarizado (o es todo o es nada) y la falta de control emocional. 

Para sanar de este sentimiento negativo, dañino y autodestructivo te invito a:

  • Reconocer que sientes culpa y las emociones que la acompañan: rabia, tristeza o miedo.
  • Sé objetivo a la hora de analizar tú responsabilidad en los hechos y determinar lo que depende de ti y lo que es responsabilidad de otros.
  • Cuéntale a alguien asertivo cómo te sientes, eso te dará alivio.
  • Renuncia al control y a la perfección: date el permiso de ser humano y de equivocarte.
  • No te reproches, ni te quedes pegado torturándote para que no aumentes tu ansiedad y ésta no alimente tu sentimiento de culpa.
  • Pide disculpas apenas estés preparado y ofrece resarcir el daño.
  • Si en tu análisis de la situación concluyes que has actuado mal y perdónate a ti mismo.
  • Suelta la culpa y déjala ir, revisa tu sistema de creencias de vida, tus deseos y necesidades, para que lo que otros desean o necesitan no esté por encima de lo que tú deseas y necesitas.

No seas tu propio juez, trabaja en la modificación de todos esos pensamientos negativos que te llevan a autocrítica para que puedas analizar de forma realista cada situación.

Asumir lo que te toca y dejar pasar lo que no te pertenece que te ancla a la culpa y a una emoción de tristeza devastadora y de gran malestar físico y psíquico, que nos paraliza y puede sumergirnos en el foso de la desesperación y la desesperanza.

Liberarse de la culpa si es posible al cambiarla por responsabilidad. Es un proceso que inicia y termina en sentir amor por nosotros mismos al mismo nivel que lo sentimos por el otro, nunca por encima de nosotros.

 @psicomaru_ruiz

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